It Won't Pull Him In- So Don't Sleep With Him to Be Chosen, Do It Because You Choose To.

"When a woman sleeps with a man right away, it does'nt pull him in." That's a line from Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov- and I agree. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with choosing to sleep with someone early on. Just let it be your decision- not a strategy to win his heart. If you do it, do it for you.

The moment you sleep with a guy to impress him- whether it's on the first , the second, or the third- you're already stepping into danger. That's not confidence, it's desperation disguised as desire.

Don't sleep with him hoping a relationship will magically develop. Sleep with him because you want to- not because you're trying to be chosen. No expectations. No Hidden agendas.

Single ladies, enjoy the journey of your life- the freedom, the self-discovery, the peace. The destination ( a relationship) will find you when it's meant to. And guess what? You can enjoy the journey with or without having sex. Whatever works for you- as long as it's from a place of self-love, not fear. Desperation ruins the journey. Forcing never creates flow. Let it come to you.

For so long, women have been conditioned to attach shame to their sexuality. We're told to be desirable, but not too easy. We're judged for saying yes and judged for saying no. It's no wonder so many of us overthink our choices, especially when it comes to sex. But here's the truth: choosing to sleep with someone on the first date doesn't make you less worthy of love- your intention behind it is what matters the most. When you own your decisions, without guilt or expectation, that's when you're truly in your power.

Let's say you're atttracted to this guy, but you're afraid to sleep with him because you think you'll catch feelings. That's valid- it happens. Sometimes we fall for people we never intended to, and that's part of being human. Here's the trick though: If you do it for you because you genuinely have the desire- it can be great- sometimes, after sleeping with him, you might even realize the sex was't that good and suddenly...he's not that desirable anymore. And if you choose not to do it because you're afraid you'll get attached? That's okay too. No judgement. You're just protecting your peace, and that's a form of self-love.

Personally, I'm all about doing what feels good for me. If I want to have fun, I will. The rules are don't wait around, don't be emotionally available to someone who isn't offering you something real.

Live your life. Keep busy. Stay open to meeting other people. Don't let one man occupy your entire emotional space at all whatsoever. The mistake we often make is emotionally over-investing too early- before someone has even earned that space in our hearts.

Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov is one of the best most eye-opening dating books I've ever read. I'll be writing a full blog series on the statements she makes - because while I agree with a lot, there are parts I question, and others I completely diasgree with. And thats the beauty of growth: being able to read something impactful and still hold space for your own perspective.

To me, a "nice girl" in dating is the one who tolerates crumbs and calls it a meal. She waits, overgives, and hopes he'll see her worth eventually- even if it means betraying her own needs. And I get. Society tells us that being good will lead to being chosen. But here's the truth: you don't get love by abandoning yourself.

I agree with Sherry- boundaries are everything. You can still be kind and compassionate without letting people take advantage of you. You can still show up for someone without shrinking yourself to fit into what they want. I also believe this: no one is born a " bad bitch." life- and the pain of the being overlooked, underestimated, or taken for granted - shapes her.

So, remember this. Doing it for you is power. Walking away is power.

Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments. Thank you.

with love,

Lady N